In the past 12 months I’ve had 4 surgeries, 3 of which were pretty major procedures (and even though my wrist surgery wasn’t a big deal and was minimally invasive, I got a staph infection from it that almost took me out, so I guess I’ll give it some credit for being pretty scary, too.)
I think this past year God has been reminding me how important humility is in my relationship with Him. This seems to be a lesson I have to learn over and over. And over. And over. And honestly, I don’t think God is being subtle with me about this anymore. Yet somehow, I seem to have to hit rock bottom over and over again to remind myself that I can’t do life on my own. It’s like I am aware that I need to let God handle everything or I’m going to keep getting kicked when I’m down but my stubborn, type A, likes to make a detailed plan for everything personality can’t always handle that there are some things that are out of my hands.
But you know what will humble you real quick? When you’re getting ready to go into surgery and you have to trust that your team of doctors and nurses are going to do everything 100% right to keep you alive while you’re unconscious. When they take you back to pre-op and you’re trying not to puke because you’re so nervous and they get you all gowned up and get some “happy meds” going in your IV so you don’t freak out when they wheel you in the operating room. They tell you it’s time to go and you’re watching every light in the ceiling go in slow motion as you’re headed on your stretcher to the OR. The nurses are sweet and tell you everything will be fine, but you know the truth. Sometimes every person does everything 100% right in surgery and something still goes wrong. The truth is, you’re in God’s hands. During that short trip from pre-op to the OR, that’s when you’re really talking to God. You make a 911 emergency call to the big guy upstairs just for one last quick conversation. BOOM, you realize you have zero control in that situation and you have to truly let go and let God.
Unfortunately, I’ve had the “right before surgery holy s@&$ this is scary” experience in more times in my 21 years than most people have it in their lifetime. In the past 5 years alone I’ve had 10 surgeries and I don’t even want to know how many conscious sensations. I also have had the rough experience of everything going perfectly in surgery and then 3 weeks later getting admitted to the hospital with a sever staph infection in my surgical site. That’ll humble ya real quick. Staph can kill you within hours. That’s another time I’ve placed a 911 call to the big guy upstairs.
The truth is, I need stop placing 911 calls to God and take a step back and remember to trust His plan in my day to day life. I need to remember that I can’t control or fix everything (or honestly anything without God) and let Him take the drivers seat in my life. Humility is something I struggle with because it’s scary to feel like you’re not in control. And I know I’m a control freak. But the beauty in the humility in my relationship with Christ is that there’s nothing to be scared of when I give up control and let God take care of things. He’s never failed me or not shown up for me and I certainly can’t say I’ve done the same.
In our walks with Christ, He will always be carrying us whether we realize or our not. My prayer today is that we remember every day to humble our hearts and know that God it taking care of everything single thing happening in our lives.